Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
