no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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