you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
