i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
