it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
