Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
