I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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