Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
