How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
