I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is my gift to your gina
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
