I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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