I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
