Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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