Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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