At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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