I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
