ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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