all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
