I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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