At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
