just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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