I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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