Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pants are for mortals
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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