so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You made out with two different species that night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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