something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
