I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
