I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
