how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
