and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize