idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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