You're completely useless in the revolution.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
