You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
