I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
