Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
