if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
