The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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