He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
