That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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