The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
