I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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