the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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