everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
