He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
