we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
