i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
