His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
