I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
