don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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