Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
