The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
