I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
