Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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