Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize