I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
