WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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