so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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