I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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