Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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