great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
