I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
