Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize