Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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