i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
