I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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