I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
