watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
the raccoons are back...
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