Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
