Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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