I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize