He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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